Friday, October 9, 2009

Losing Youself

It is so easy to lose yourself, and even harder to find yourself. Often times I’ve been told that its not about me, but then I’m always left wanting to say, then when is it? I just finished reading the book “Jesus Wants To Save Christians” by Rob Bell (co-author), and the pretty much sum up what I thought was the whole point was that it is not about being a christian, its about being like Christ. You maybe asking isn't being a Christian suppose to be about being like Christ? Yes, but I feel that many churches and in general religion has lost touch with what being like Christ is suppose to be. So how this tie in with losing yourself?

It ties in, because if we are all created in the image of God then how is that we loose sight of who we are to strife to be. For myself, it was losing my self to world of pride and selfishness. During my time as a personal assistant I found myself becoming more and more like the people I worked with and becoming who they taught I should be, instead of me. Something inside me kept screaming to get out, but I was convinced of myself and that this is who I am and what I was meant to be doing. It was nice to be seen in the public and recognized, but what I was learning was that no one really knew me, they knew about me because of who I worked for but other than that they didn't really care. I feel into deep depression of which to this point I’ve never really spoken about or written about.

So what does this have to do with finding oneself, Everything. In order to find myself or find who I am suppose to be, I need to look at the person who created me, and knew before I came into existence (Isaiah 49:1b “ The Lord has called Me from the womb; From the matrix of My mother he has made mention of My name.”). So if God knew what my name was going be before my own mother, then he has to know what my purpose in life is to be. Oh, how I have lost sight of him and what he has to say. It is very easy to loose ourselves to things that satisfy our sinful nature, because at the moment that they present themselves they seem as the greatest thing around, but slowly you come into the realization that its never enough you want more.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Can God Reject Me????

1 Samuel 15:23

b. "Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as King"

The simple answer is YES, God can reject me. Now the bigger question is does God intend or have it set out for me to be rejected, answer: NO.

I don't know how many times it has crossed my mind what it would be like for God to just simply cast me out, and the truth be told I wouldn't blame him. There are moments where it is obvious that I am doing what I was called to do and it is obvious in what I do. There are other times where you are left wondering is this the same person who just yesterday was a perfect example of God's love???

King Saul found himself in quite the same predicament, should he please his people or God? He choose his people, he choose the easy way. I couldn't blame him for doing so, because time and time again I find myself choosing the world over what God has called me to do as a christian. It's not because God's way is any harder it simply the pure joy of having the instant moment of gratification or self righteousness, ultimately pride.

God doesn't call us to be perfect. Its by grace that we are saved, says Paul in the book of Romans. It is up to us to decide if we want to be rejected or accepted by God in the end. Is the road an easy one, NO. Sometimes you just need to reach out and ask for help, Jesus did when he was in the Garden right before he was arrested and ultimately crucified.

King Saul in the end committed suicide, thus permanently cutting himself from God.

God doesn't call us to be perfect, he has called us to be the best we can be with him in control. Its hard sometimes, its easier said and written than done, but every time I have given into submission God has amazed me at how far he can take me.


Here I am
Take me and mold me. Let me not wonder or doubt.
Help me to stand firm in what I know to be true.
Take me just as I am, the good and bad
Make something new out of me.

Yours forevermore,

Sunday, June 8, 2008


Question: Who has ever tried to be alone, yet you find something or someone to distract you? I find that this is the most annoying thing ever for example: 

I was trying to work on a presentation for work, when one of my friends decided he was going to invite me to a BBQ for our college director that was going away. I quite frankly was aware of the BBQ but I didn't want to go, not because he invited me but because I didn't want to put myself through having to pretend I knew someone when I quite frankly I didn't. After a few text messages my friend caught on that I simply was not interested, but what happened next is what threw my whole day into a spin he sent me the following message:

"I'm not a fan of drama and sometimes I feel you create it unnecessarily", there was more to the message but I feel this is the one line that struck me the most.

How many times do we find ourselves creating our own drama just to feel like we are apart of someone or something?

Then I thought to myself who else has created drama for themselves that was quite frankly unnecessary? Well man did. At the beginning God created us in his image to live in the most perfect world ever, till one day we decided that what he created wasn't good enough for us so we in turn created drama that was unnecessary for him and us. We placed God in situation which he didn't intend to find himself in, but he decided to take the high road and create for man a way back for us to undo the drama that we had created for ourselves. 

This is why God can't let go. 

This is why God sent his one and only son to save me, so that I could let go.

So why is it that I can't let go and just forget when someone has wronged me or called me out on something that quite frankly is the truth and is something that needs correction in my life? It hurts to be called out on something that you know yourself is not right and needs to change. Letting go would mean to surrender all control and power that you feel you have over that person or situation. It would mean that I was not placing myself in the center of attention, but the other person whom I am holding this grudge against was the center of attention despite whether or not I decided they deserved it or not.

God calls us to surrender and letting go of grudges is one of those things. Can you imagine a world without grudges? Can we say instant World Peace!

P.S. I am still learning to let go we're all not perfect