It is so easy to lose yourself, and even harder to find yourself. Often times I’ve been told that its not about me, but then I’m always left wanting to say, then when is it? I just finished reading the book “Jesus Wants To Save Christians” by Rob Bell (co-author), and the pretty much sum up what I thought was the whole point was that it is not about being a christian, its about being like Christ. You maybe asking isn't being a Christian suppose to be about being like Christ? Yes, but I feel that many churches and in general religion has lost touch with what being like Christ is suppose to be. So how this tie in with losing yourself?
It ties in, because if we are all created in the image of God then how is that we loose sight of who we are to strife to be. For myself, it was losing my self to world of pride and selfishness. During my time as a personal assistant I found myself becoming more and more like the people I worked with and becoming who they taught I should be, instead of me. Something inside me kept screaming to get out, but I was convinced of myself and that this is who I am and what I was meant to be doing. It was nice to be seen in the public and recognized, but what I was learning was that no one really knew me, they knew about me because of who I worked for but other than that they didn't really care. I feel into deep depression of which to this point I’ve never really spoken about or written about.
So what does this have to do with finding oneself, Everything. In order to find myself or find who I am suppose to be, I need to look at the person who created me, and knew before I came into existence (Isaiah 49:1b “ The Lord has called Me from the womb; From the matrix of My mother he has made mention of My name.”). So if God knew what my name was going be before my own mother, then he has to know what my purpose in life is to be. Oh, how I have lost sight of him and what he has to say. It is very easy to loose ourselves to things that satisfy our sinful nature, because at the moment that they present themselves they seem as the greatest thing around, but slowly you come into the realization that its never enough you want more.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
1 Samuel 15:23
b. "Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has rejected you as King"
The simple answer is YES, God can reject me. Now the bigger question is does God intend or have it set out for me to be rejected, answer: NO.
I don't know how many times it has crossed my mind what it would be like for God to just simply cast me out, and the truth be told I wouldn't blame him. There are moments where it is obvious that I am doing what I was called to do and it is obvious in what I do. There are other times where you are left wondering is this the same person who just yesterday was a perfect example of God's love???
King Saul found himself in quite the same predicament, should he please his people or God? He choose his people, he choose the easy way. I couldn't blame him for doing so, because time and time again I find myself choosing the world over what God has called me to do as a christian. It's not because God's way is any harder it simply the pure joy of having the instant moment of gratification or self righteousness, ultimately pride.
God doesn't call us to be perfect. Its by grace that we are saved, says Paul in the book of Romans. It is up to us to decide if we want to be rejected or accepted by God in the end. Is the road an easy one, NO. Sometimes you just need to reach out and ask for help, Jesus did when he was in the Garden right before he was arrested and ultimately crucified.
King Saul in the end committed suicide, thus permanently cutting himself from God.
God doesn't call us to be perfect, he has called us to be the best we can be with him in control. Its hard sometimes, its easier said and written than done, but every time I have given into submission God has amazed me at how far he can take me.
Here I am
Take me and mold me. Let me not wonder or doubt.
Help me to stand firm in what I know to be true.
Take me just as I am, the good and bad
Make something new out of me.